Follow The Brand Podcast with Host Grant McGaugh
Are you ready to take your personal brand and business development to the next level? Then you won't want to miss the exciting new podcast dedicated to helping you tell your story in the most compelling way possible. Join me as I guide you through the process of building a magnetic personal brand, creating valuable relationships, and mastering the art of networking. With my expert tips and practical strategies, you'll be well on your way to 5-star success in both your professional and personal life. Don't wait - start building your 5-STAR BRAND TODAY!
Follow The Brand Podcast with Host Grant McGaugh
Beyond the Courtroom: Stanley Zamor on Mediation, Empathy, and Community Healing with Grant McGaugh
Step into the resolution realm as I, Grant McGaugh, engage with Stanley Zamor, whose extensive expertise as a Florida Supreme Court certified mediator and arbiter brings new light to the complex interactions within community crises. Together, we unravel the intricate tapestry of emotions and biases that bind the threads of societal discord, casting a spotlight on the indispensable role of empathy in mediation. Zamor's seasoned perspective reveals how an empathetic approach not only bridges the gap in moments of tension but also fosters long-term solutions and understanding, particularly in the wake of national upheaval surrounding police conduct and racial injustice.
Witness the undeniable influence of media portrayals on the fabric of African American communities as we dissect the ramifications of a narrative skewed toward criminality. The conversation meanders through the societal echoes of negative news, emphasizing the critical need for redefining stories that shape our collective consciousness. As our dialogue unfolds, we delve into the human psyche's propensity for the sensational, recognizing the power wielded by stories and the responsibility of media in crafting the societal lens through which we view ourselves and our neighbors.
Our exchange reaches its zenith with a deep dive into the profound impact of mentorship in guiding the youth toward brighter horizons. We dissect the underlying currents of thought patterns and the pivotal role of positive representation in disrupting destructive cycles like the school-to-prison pipeline. Zamor shares his wealth of insights on negotiation and mediation, underlining how each individual possesses the potential to be an agent of constructive change. As the echoes of our conversation resonate, the invitation stands to join in the collective effort to advocate for a more harmonious society through informed conflict resolution and heartfelt mentorship.
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Follow The Brand! We hope you enjoyed learning about the latest marketing trends and strategies in Personal Branding, Business and Career Development, Financial Empowerment, Technology Innovation, and Executive Presence. To keep up with the latest insights and updates from us, be sure to follow us at 5starbdm.com. See you next time on Follow The Brand!
Welcome to another episode of Follow the Brand. I am your host, grant McGaughan, ceo of 5 Star BDM, a 5 Star personal branding and business development company. I want to take you on a journey that takes another deep dive into the world of personal branding and business development using compelling personal story, business conversations and tips. Development using compelling personal story, business conversations and tips to improve your personal brand. By listening to the Follow the Brand podcast series, you will be able to differentiate yourself from the competition and allow you to build trust with prospective clients and employers. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Make it one that will set you apart, build trust and reflect who you are. Developing your five-star personal brand is a great way to demonstrate your skills and knowledge. If you have any questions from me or my guests, please email me at grantmcgaw, spelled M-C-G-A-U-G-H at 5starbdm B for brand, d for development, m for masterscom. Now let's begin with our next five-star episode on Follow the Brand. Welcome to the Follow Brand Podcast, where we explore the intersections of leadership, innovation and social impact. I am your host, grant McGaugh, ceo of Five Star BDM, where we help you build a five-star brand that people will follow, and today we are embarking on a thought-provoking journey to the landscape of conflict resolution with our esteemed guest, stanley Zamora. Stanley is not just any mediator he is a Florida Supreme Court certified mediator and arbiter with over two decades of experience. His expertise in bridging the gap between negotiation and the courtroom has made him a revered figure in the legal community. As we dwell into our conversation, stanley will shed light on the principles of impartiality that guide mediators and the art of facilitating dialogue that not only resolves conflicts but also equips parties with lasting communication tools. Our discussion takes a deeper dive as we explore the critical role of mediation and addressing community crisis, from contentious police conduct to social injustices. Stanley's insight into the emotional intelligence required to navigate these high-stakes situations will highlight empathy's importance in creating lasting solutions solutions as we reflect on the nuances of media coverage and its impact on our perception of African-American communities. Stanley's perspective on mentorship and the collective responsibility we share in shaping society will resonate with our listeners. Join us for this enlightening conversation as we uncover the power of mediation and fostering a more empathetic and understanding world. Get ready to be inspired by Stanley Zalmore's wisdom and experiences. He is a true champion of conflict resolution and community building.
Speaker 1:On the Follow Brand Podcast, where we are building a five-star brand that you can follow. Welcome everybody to the Follow the Brand Podcast. We are going to talk to one of Dade and Brown County's sons. His name is Stanley Zamora. He joined me on the stage here recently during Project 12. We got a chance to know each other and found out we have a mutual my friend, his cousin, who's been on this show in previous episodes, and we really hit it off and said Stan, you gotta come on my show, we gotta talk about this, because he's big into mediation. He is big into conflict resolution, which I find very, very interesting, and I want to educate the audience around these things because it's so important in our community. Stanley, you'd like to introduce yourself?
Speaker 2:Good afternoon, good morning salutations. My name is Stanley Zalmore, florida Supreme Court certified family county circuit mediator. Florida Supreme Court approved primary trainer and arbitrator qualified arbitrator. So I arbitrate throughout the country and throughout all the 20 jurisdictions of Florida. This is it. I love those things.
Speaker 1:I mean you just threw it right out. We got to go, just like myself. I'm sure there's a lot of people in the audience like what is a mediator? He's on the Supreme Court for Mediation Conflict Resolution. That sounds like he's like the referee between two jarring parties. You know that are trying to get to a different result. Help us understand the business that you're in.
Speaker 2:Well, the business, plainly, is conflict resolution. That's what it is, and the alternative dispute resolution is what the term was 30 years ago, as it was toned ADR you might see the word ADR out there. Alternative dispute resolution there's about 12,. Imagine a slinky ADR. You might see the word ADR out there. Alternative Dispute Resolution there's about 12,. Imagine a slinky, like back in the days, a slinky or a rainbow. We're on one side of the rainbow.
Speaker 2:One side of the slinky, you have partnering or negotiating between two entities or two individuals parents, co-partners, whatever it may be two, three or four or more and on the other side, you have adjudication, where a third party a third party like either a jurors, a judge or an arbiter you give them the ability to hear the facts as you present them, weigh the evidence, weigh the facts and, as to certain standards, depending on what state you are in and what jurisdiction you're in, they'll weigh them as instructed and provide you your decision, a decision that they come up with based on how they feel about it.
Speaker 2:Now, between the partnering and negotiating and the adjudication process, the courthouse, you know a bunch of other processes, as we call it. Mediation is somewhere right down in the middle of that and mediation is what I was drawn to and that's what it is. So you give a third party person like myself that's neutral and impartial. Neutral and impartial are two separate, different things. They're neutral and impartial and they hear not only the facts as you present them, they hear also your opinions, they hear your feelings, they hear what it took you to get to the table and, based on what you say you want, they help craft a decision or a means of action to find a solution that you create. The meter does not create it. The meter helps you along the path of creation, so it can be different every time, which has happened a lot.
Speaker 1:Now you're talking to both parties, not just one. You're not representing either one, no, You're just listening to everything that's occurring Now. Does that happen? I think about this like wow, because I've been married 12. I probably need a person like yourself. I'm like, wow, you need somebody like, let me listen to what you're talking about, Brandon, what you're saying, Let me hear what you're talking about what you're saying. And then you listen to both and then you're like, huh, based on this information, this might be a better path for both parties to mutually benefit. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but how about this?
Speaker 2:Based on what you shared with me, grant, and based on what your spouse, your partner, shared with me. In fact, you know what. Even better, what did you hear them say? What did you hear them say? What do you think their wants are, what do you think their needs are, and what do you think you can do to help achieve those things? You can't get 100% of what you want, but you can get a degree of satisfaction. You know what? Let's write that down and figure out what degree of satisfaction we can live with to create better paths of communication for tomorrow and the next day and the scene.
Speaker 1:So in other words.
Speaker 2:I'm not just looking at facts and ideas and feelings. My job is a mediator, whether it's officially mediating for a case that is actually at issue. Lawyers involved, tens of thousands, hundreds of millions involved, already invested in solving this case. Or bringing the case to suit, to pre-suit, like HOA condo or pre-suit where you have, I guess, parents that are separating or relocating and they're thinking about divorce but don't want to invest in the effort and the emotional roller coaster called the courthouse. So what else can we do? So sometimes, a lot of times sorry, it's pre-suit. So not only am I going to help manage the conflict as you're dealing with it, but I'm also setting them up with understanding how to better communicate. In fact, when you're a Florida Supreme Court certified mediator, the very first rule of ethics, Rule 10.200, and I'm saying the actual rule, because lawyers should look this up, they don't. Judges looked it up, they don't.
Speaker 2:Whenever you're in conflict and you have a third person that can immediately help you, you should know what their ethical rules are, and most do not. So you have mediators out there that are running amok, pairing both sides and saying here's what you have to do and that's not what a mediator does. I will get my point across and I will help you create your own path, without strongly suggesting what you should do, by understanding what your true wants and needs are, and very probably so. Part of what I was saying is part of what I have to do is to help better communication. Okay, so from rule two 10.200, 10.21, 10.2220, whatever it may be we have specific rules on how to help them better communicate for other things, not just this one.
Speaker 2:So when it comes to parenting, co-parenting, brothers and sisters fighting over their deceased mom or their father's assets in probate court, I deal with that a lot too.
Speaker 2:Or elder law, when you're dealing with adult kids managing the affairs of their parents while they're being taken care of in an ALF Advanced Living Facility or an old age home or whatever it is designated as, how do you manage that relationship? Because it's a relationship, they're all relationships. So the good mediators understand that and they help you not only craft a better way of resolving the conflict for this right now, but help at least expose and have that conversation that's usually uncomfortable on how do we set up to where the next time you have a better manner in which to communicate to get things done, so you don't have to hire another mediator. You don't have to file in court. If you need to go for it, you have to do that. But if there's another way, is that beneficial to just think, hey, there's your way, three ideas, your way, five ideas. There are actually an infinite amount of ways to resolve conflict usually, but we are really open to that because of how emotionally charged it is.
Speaker 1:So my job is to open those people up to more. Let's talk about this. This is interesting. I didn't realize the world of mediation and how it touches up so many relationships, especially in the community. We talk about social change. You brought up a point. It's about awareness. Most people they're going through their lives and all of a sudden things happen. They're not aware of the system. They don't understand how this all will play out over time, especially in an emotionally charged environment like a death in a family or a separation or a business dispute. These are emotionally charged situations and if you're not aware of mediation, you can start off with really big things. Talk to us about the impact of mediation on communities, if they are aware of that.
Speaker 2:In fact, a few years ago I have a LinkedIn presence and a few years ago, whatever was going on whether it was Trayvon Martin or it was something else, george Floyd, or it was something in the community where people were shouting out what we need, da-da-da-da. I'm like you know what I see here. I was talking to some very, very well-connected political and socially well-connected attorneys. Most usually I would say a high percentage of medias are also attorneys. So I happened to be sitting with a colleague, very well-known gentleman, very high up in the political arena, very high up in the legal arena and in the space of influence and affluence, and I sat back and said, man, all this stuff is going on, all this stuff is happening. And look at the news. He happened to be turned on. I'm like what was happening with you know, whatever it was George Floyd or whatever it may be, whatever happened to doing a lot of time. I'm like, look at this, this mothers and this family members that are speaking out as to what to do. I see, you know, statesmen like city council people and, of course, clergy speaking here. We have the mayor's office and someone from the police station speaking. All these people who have specific occupations or they are playing a role in the loss in the community.
Speaker 2:There's no conflict resolution experts, there are no mediators, there are no facilitators, there are no conciliators. Well, just three of the other processes of ADR facilitation, conciliation, mediation, reconciliation, mediation, ombudsing, restorative justice. I mean there's a few other things within the processes of mediation, but there's none of those people helping bridge these gaps. There's none of the people that are speaking with conflict resolution expertise. Law enforcement are experts of what they do Law enforcement, criminal justice, right Lawyers, criminal justice, the law clergy, catholicism and stuff like that and other things. Within the religious sect, families were just tied to families, political people like the politicians, politics and policy. No one's talking about conflict resolution experts, those that come in and say let me look on the community level how we can meld and bind people to certain things of community. So actually during that time I did speak to some law enforcement agencies and did a few speeches here and there and through the ADL, the Anti-Defamation League and some other organizations I did speak, the ADL, the Anti-Defamation League and some other organizations. I did speak and we did do a series of facilitations to law enforcement on how they could better police the community. I have my own program in my mind that I've set up, that we're going to be doing, hopefully, in the very near future. But it's how we can help have better policing, better community policing, by understanding one of the very first things and one of the techniques and skill sets that real I don't want to say real mediators properly trained mediators I mean readers trained in conflict resolution, not those trained in political science who then become mediators. Conflict resolution trained mediators. There's a lot of skills and techniques that are just different than what adjudication and the law is. A lot of different ones, and one of the ones that we look at is our biases and digging into biases, like implicit bias. So some of the trainings I've done for law enforcement was implicit bias training.
Speaker 2:When they pull out and they unfortunately have to protect the community and they have to eliminate a threat or address a threat, what's going through their mind when they're pulling that trigger, they're pulling out that gun? What's going through their mind when they're putting that young man, that young lady on the ground and their arms are tethered behind them? What's going on when they're starting to be physical and what's excessive things happen. When does it stop? What's going on in their mind? What is their connection to those things? And very few look at that. When I'm hearing them say here's what happened in this situation, here's what happened in court, I don't see conflict resolution people being included in the conversation when they should be. So back to what mediation is. Mediation can address some of those things, if not many of those things, not all of it, but many of those things and a lot of it is understanding a person.
Speaker 2:I know when I get involved in certain types of cases this does not apply to all cases, but I do a lot of areas of law. So in one area of law or one area of conflict, let's just say, when I'm dealing with a certain individual where it is emotionally charged, I'll dig into that emotion, I'll elicit more of that emotion. I want all of it like a sponge. Tell me what's going on. I want to be empathetic with you, I want to understand it. The better I understand is the way. Maybe I can reframe it and summarize it a certain way and get the other side to understand it. And when people understand where you're coming from, people definitely do change.
Speaker 2:And remember, we're not 95% rational, right? No, we're 95% emotional. We are emotional beings. When I hear people, especially lawyers, oh no, no, we got to keep a business decision. Yeah, you can do that, but before it's a business decision it's going to be emotional. And in every area of conflict, even if it's two entities, even if it's corporate, even if it's intellectual property or something like that, there's a level of emotion there too. It may not be a level of emotion for the actual thing we're discussing, but the parties involved in it, the participants involved in it, they do have a level of emotion. You're dealing with human beings here, right? Not just numbers. So when you have those individuals, there is a level of emotion, a degree that a true conflict resolution trained mediator can tap in and help evolve what is that conflict into a solution, sustainable solution that you help them create.
Speaker 1:Listen, what you said is so important and I want to bring something to your table Because we were just at Project 12. And the reason why Project 12 exists is because and I'm talking from the aspect of the community, specifically the African all across America, not just in our community here in South Florida is that there is the perception that the media continuously focuses on, intentionally on highlighting Black males in criminal situations on a nightly basis on every news outlet in america without any other. They don't look at any other thing. I don't believe there was a news truck at our project world highlighting 24 uh individuals. So I'm asking this if you were my, if I was looking at you as a media, here's the conflict. The conflict is that there's a sectarian community that feels that the news media who's on the other side of this conflict is overemphasizing crime in the Black community without emphasizing any other aspects of that community within their media.
Speaker 2:All right, all right, let's go there. I'm not by far saying I'm an expert in media or an expert in how journalists do their job or what happens in social media, but I have been involved in a lot of conversation. I have been involved in creating a dialogue conversation. I have been involved in creating a dialogue. I have been involved in creating a um, a conversation piece where it was like how certain things have influenced and impacted communities and the world. So I've been in that space before. I'm not going to claim to be an expert now. I don't. If I got I had you told me you want to go that route, I would have my numbers with me. I don't have my numbers with me, but it's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 2:The human dynamic is something that's very interesting and it's always evolving. Human dynamics you know how people behave with one another. Unfortunately, it is different. The way we are in, the way we do communities, the way we do community now is very different than how we did community a hundred years ago. We did community a thousand years ago. It just is. It's going to always be evolving and changing when you do little tweaks here and there. Now we are being human beings, are products of their environment, good, bad or indifferent. And right now we're in a product, we are in an environment where people want more or being told. They're being told. They want more faster, they want more constant, they want more, they want more.
Speaker 1:And I think it started. Actually, I did look into this when I was younger.
Speaker 2:I think it started with certain newspapers where, instead of it being a complete whole newspaper right, I think it was new US Today, I think it was a Washington DC paper Right on the cover of the paper it wasn't just that one story and three or four other stories to look into. Go to page 15, go to page whatever it was. A bunch of other things on the bottom, snippets of other things that might be of interest. And you know what they found out, and there is a study on this People are more interested in the 15 five-second snippets they can read real fast Next one, next one. That evolved into what we see now on TV. In fact, that's what cable news became.
Speaker 2:Cable news was a joke to networks 30 years ago. 40 years ago it was a joke. A channel that is going to be sports all the time ESPN garbage, they said, oh, a channel weather all the time weather. They laughed at. That Weather network is huge. A news channel that's going to be news all the time CNN and the others. But what did they do? They would have little stories and our brains constantly picking things up that we like.
Speaker 2:And you know what they found out, what we do in our human capacity, which I don't agree with, but it is what it is. We focus on the negative more than the positive. It just is, it just is, it just is. And your brain. When I do these trainings for law, for law enforcement or lawyers or judges or people in the community, I want to do conflict resolution better or learn to become a mediator. Um, there's several things that I do to kind of get people's minds to start to broaden. And one thing I ask people ask yourself this how many? Let me ask you this Grant how many thoughts do you think the average person has in one day? Just thoughts, just thoughts in general.
Speaker 1:Wow, I'll say 3,000.
Speaker 2:Good number I've done. There's a few research studies out there and the ones that I've looked at, one was as low as 16,000. One was as high as 60,000. So between 16,000 and 60,000. I was amazed by that. But here's the most amazing part Of both research studies some crazy number like 80% of the thoughts are negative. This is what else bugged me out. Of the 80% that was negative, 90% was repetitive.
Speaker 2:So our brain is continually looking for information that it understands and it knows, but also, at the same time, looking for information it does not know, it does not understand, to confirm certain things. Now, I'm not going to go into biases and confirmation bias and all the different types of biases that we have in us, but it's true we are always looking for different things. Our brain is not consciously done, it's subconsciously done. You're looking for things that are constantly different and when you're hearing from media back to the media thing, when you're hearing from media things, it has to resonate with you. So when you hear, oh my God, father, father of three, stay at home, dad took kids to school, instead of saying oh it's, yeah, okay, but father of three found unfortunately deceased while taking kids to school, father of three Shots Multiple times in front of toddlers. Now we're like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's something we don't know, that's something we don't hear, that's something we don't expect. So, therefore, we are drawn to it.
Speaker 2:What do you think is going to happen? So I got to take them out, my cousins. My cousin is a father of three. Holy smokes. We are going to be drawn to that. And that means money, that means advertisement dollars. That means that's the place to get the number one news. That's the person to listen to. Who's going to tell you the he said, she said first. That's the person that's going to confirm that in this community, they do this, that. And the third just like what we thought, and our brains are constantly drawn to those things, we have to change what we want. We have to train with what we expect. We have to change these things. And how are we going to do it when the money's being spent on this, that? And the third how are we going to do it when, guess what, it is not me, it is not you, it is some other forces?
Speaker 2:out there that are saying hey, listen, this thing here you're going to love and I'm like no, it's a small box, but after the 15th time, 30th time, and then you throw my favorite entertainer with it. Oh, favorite entertainer with it. Oh my God, what is that thing? I become interested now. It's just a constant process your brain is doing. I'm going too far into that stuff.
Speaker 1:What you're saying. We just had this with the government. They brought some of the social media czars that are out there. They said the platform is attracting, our kids are utilizing, but they're pouring out all this negative emotion. But are we as a community and as a as a people, if we are doing this intentionally? That's the point. Maybe it's a propensity for the negative. You know this. People are gravitating to that. Then you're doubling down on it and now it really brings the question. You want the advertising, you want the business, but is it really good for the community? Is it really good for the community? It's like when they cigarette smoke, cigarette smoke.
Speaker 1:You've been around for a long, long, long time, ready to elevate your brand with five-star impact. Welcome to the Final Brand Podcast, your gateway to exceptional personal growth and innovative business strategies. Join me as I unveil the insider strategies of industry pioneers and branding experts. Discover how to supercharge your business development. Harness the power of AI for growth and sculpt a personal brand that stands out in the crowd. Transform ambition into achievement. Explore more at FirestarBDMcom for a wealth of resources. Enact your journey with our brave brand blueprint and begin crafting your standout Firestar teacher today. But then all of a. He said, hey, cigarette smoking is going to be moving on. Our advertising was around it, everybody was on it. It was a big, big business. And then they had to finally say, hey, this is not good. We need to tell people this is not good.
Speaker 2:You know what's funny? I have adult children, I have younger children that have not yet reached adulthood. And it's funny because, as I'm driving with the kids and I'll say something like, in one of my cars there's a flap and my son wanted to connect his phone to the flap or to the connection to charge his phone, I said I'm a baby born in the 70s, raised in the 80s. I said something really crazy to him. I'm like, yeah, I don't know if the socket's there, but open up where the cigarette lighter is. And I open it up, he's like cigarette lighter. I'm like cigarette lighter, right here he goes. No, it's a USB connection, dad. I'm like, no, well, you know what Generational, where I'm from, where I was raised, every car had a cigarette lighter and also my parents had large cars, sometimes In the back, even in the back seats. What do they?
Speaker 2:have in the back seats they didn't have an ashtray, right there on the little armrest An ashtray. Every seat in the car had an ashtray. I remember when taking a flight for the very well not the very first time, but taking flights on airplanes when I was much younger in the 80s, I remember people were smoking in every flight. They had ashtrays that you could use on the flights right. So as an example of the media, some people, some big conglomerate companies not only had a hold of every movie star doing this and lining up, every detective, every housewife, every husband coming from work and oh, I'm tired, baby, you have a light Every bar.
Speaker 2:It was social. It was driven to us that if you're of a certain era, if you're from a certain lifestyle, if you're from a certain frustration level, have a cigarette. And they didn't say it, they showed it to you and they showed you the cool guy, the sophisticated guy. They showed you the pimp. I remember having candies. I remember having those cigarette candies guy. They showed you you know the pimp like dang it. I remember having candies. I remember having those cigarette candies where they had powdery for you to blow it out, even as a K-12,.
Speaker 1:I remember that, being in third grade, I'm walking around. Oh, we got candy and cigarettes. This is cool.
Speaker 2:And I'm like my dad was the coolest man on the planet baby, so I'll probably be like daddy and his brothers and his cousins. I'm pulling it out. I remember doing this. I don't know what that does to a cigarette, but I was constantly doing pulling it out and me and my cousin were sitting there going yeah, yeah, man, Our wives get on our nerves. I'm not saying my dad said that, but that was the thing that I saw.
Speaker 2:So my point is is we're making it socially okay to be a certain way? What we need to do to address conflict resolution, mediation, community involvement and changing this paradigm is we need to make it regular. I had somebody laugh at me Sorry, not laugh at me. They kind of said why would you want to accept an award from that organization? Not like there's anything wrong with the organization, but that organization is a bunch of people that's bigging themselves up, a bunch of organizations that are making themselves feel good. Because who else will my kids, my nephews, my godchildren? They need to see their godfather, their uncle, their friend, their neighbor get these awards and get these out to ladies. So they know this is not abnormal, this is how it's supposed to be. It's not extraordinary, it's not extraordinary it's ordinary.
Speaker 2:This is regular for us. This is what my son and I you know I'm a I'm an ant kind of guy. You know a little bit hype sometimes and they're like how are you today, daddy? Daddy, I'm fantastic. Whether it is actually fantastic or not, I make the decision whether I want it to be fantastic. I make the decision whether I want it to be good.
Speaker 2:I'm supposed to go through drama, I'm supposed to have a flat tire, I'm supposed to have to get my car picked up, my bike picked up, my tow truck these are these things that some might think are negative. I'm a product of living life. So, therefore, how am I going to respond to it? That's the conflict resolution media or peace. How are you going to respond to it? My kid needs to see me respond with a smile, a little disappointment oh man, got to deal with that again. Got to deal with that again. Let's make it happen. It needs to be ordinary to see these accolades, not extraordinary, and that's the problem. So how do we do that? We shout from the mountaintops and, yes, we're doing this and we're doing that because who else will? But also, it's an understanding of this, is what you're supposed to do. My parents came here as immigrants Haitian couldn't speak English for years. Within five, seven years of being in this country, they drastically changed their circumstances.
Speaker 1:And from what?
Speaker 2:I understand from how they were living. It was pretty nice. It wasn't like it was dire straits, it was pretty nice. But they wanted something different, for whatever. Their reasons were something different, a new country, and they started from the very, very, very, very. Whatever you consider the bottom they were there for years Changed it.
Speaker 2:So I remember my mom looking at me after I'm crying and kicking and screaming which didn't last too long, of course, because she'll knock me out. Why do I have to go to dance in school? Why do I have to go to piano class again? Why am I doing judo on Saturday? And my mom looked at me and she smacked me. Smack, because you're my investment. There you go. You're an investment. That's why Me and your dad didn't do these things. You had an opportunity to do, so you are going to do it. And when you have kids, your job is to do the same thing. You are an investment. What if every, what if the majority of families spoke to their kids in that manner? You're an investment. You don't have time for no C's.
Speaker 2:My parents refused for me to work and I wanted to work to get my new Jordans Never had only been Jordans, you know, buy tapes and buy little things that, of course, young men growing in the 80s wanted to do. You know breakdance and buy little stuff. Right, they go no, you're not going to work because what you're going to buy is frivolous and you have no excuse but to get A's and B's. So figure it out, sit down, take your extracurricular activities that we put you in and study and get your A's. I'm not an A student, by the way, but they've set me up to be that. My point is what if we did that as a method of dealing with things? Of course we all have our challenges and people have, you know, every individual that may have disabilities in learning or in acclimation and whatever it may be. I'm not saying be as crude as my parents were, but they did what they know, they did what they understood to make me successful. Let's go with that.
Speaker 1:Stan, because in the first question was I think what you're saying is yes, and if you know that there's a propensity for people to be more negative than positive, and are you as an entity encouraging that behavior or are you trying to change the behavior?
Speaker 1:It's really the question, and I like how you kind of frame that story, like, yes, maybe we do have 80% of our thoughts maybe start out negative, but you know what 20% is positive. What are we doing to grow that positive thought framework and are we trying to double down on that and making that cool, making that something that's positive, like what your parents have done or what you're being an example, uh, in front of your community with your children, because that is news worthy, it, it is something of note and we have to be intentional, because we learned that cigarettes are not good and now we learn like, yeah, our kids, thank God, don't know about asteroids and they may not know about cigarette lighters in the car and they might not know about these play cigarettes that we played with as children, which, when we think about it, that really wasn't very smart, but that's what we did. We had to grow and learn. I think we're growing and learning.
Speaker 2:It was business smart because, as you know, I was part of that legal community that fought against. The firms I worked with were dealing with big tobacco. I'm not going to say which one, but we did do a lot of defense of that as well. And part of the thing that big tobacco, or or what they call Big Tobacco right they would say in these secret memos right was they don't care about the, they're not really focusing on the smoker of today, they're trying to groom the ones coming up. So they already knew. Let me groom the ones coming up to understand societal norms. Let me make them grow up for that. So there's a whole plot, which is why busted big tobacco, which is why everything changed because of once those things and those memos came out, those intentions that were hidden came out, like 40, 50, 60 years, 100 years of tobacco being told. This is what we do, this is how we do it. There was a business model in place to get our children to start smoking at 15, 16. Sorry, 12, 13, 14, middle school age.
Speaker 1:Well, let's turn it around, stan, because what you just said is so important. So if there was an intentionality of portraying the image of the Black male in American society in this negative format for generations, wow, and what's that attentionality like, and what do we need to do to change that? Now, I know you can answer that we only have a few minutes and I know you do a column every week there for Legacy, some other things. Think about that, because that's big.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a real lift to what things could be, should be what I do, but it's something that I'm involved in, especially as a mentor. I'm part of the 5,000 role models of America. I do a lot of, I guess, commencement speeches, sometimes for different schools or mentorship programs. I have some former high school friends who I became I still have friends with from high school. I have some former high school friends who I became I still have friends with from high school and these men and women are now principals and guidance counselors and vice principals in schools throughout South Florida and they've had me come and participate and give speeches on various things. But the one thing that I do focus off when it comes to mentorship a lot of them have been mentorship programs, anti-bullying programs, cyberbullying programs it's your responsibility. I have a friend.
Speaker 2:Aston Bright. He had me on a show, I don't know how long ago seven, eight years ago but it's on my website and on the show he was like you know, it was about these kids and how these kids are doing bad in the community and who's at fault and how can we make parenting better. I'm like it's your fault, it's my fault, it's our fault. How am I to blame living in plantation to some kid who may have gotten a firearm in Chicago? How am I to blame it that? I'm like, well, because you have a platform like this, I know who he is Like. You're all over this country, all over the world, with your celebrity friends, with your political charge friends, and what are you speaking about? What are you doing? You know, when you were in Chicago a few years ago, a few months ago, and you could have taken time with your celebrity friends and address certain things in those neighborhoods, go in there and say, hey, listen, guys and gals, it might seem sexy and cool to be a certain way to do a certain thing, but guess what? It's not, because what you're doing is a pipeline from school to prison and guess what? You're funding it. They are looking for you, they need you in there. Why are you giving them what they need? What are you doing? And I told him that he was like it's not my fault. I'm like, yes, it is. So. When I'm in those schools, when I'm in the neighborhood, when I go to the YMCA, if I have an opportunity to tell a young man that may look like me, or maybe one that doesn't look like me, I'll say good job, keep it up. What do you look like in 10 years from now? How are you going to get there? What's going to happen when you're in high school and your friends say, hey, take some of this. What are you going to do? How are you going to respond? How cool do you have to be and want to be? You know, and they're like Mr Stanley, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:I was that kid at 12 years old, growing up in Queens, taking the bus, and all of a sudden, you know, some other kids come up and say yo, let's see, hey, hey, hey, hey, god, try, you gotta smoke this. God, because the girls are watching you and I'm like girls are watching and girls are going for those guys that were doing those things. And what am I going to do because now I'm peer pressured into doing it. It didn't work, by the way, but nonetheless I was peer pressured, heavily, Heavily. So what are you going to do? How are you going to handle yourself? What type of inner strength do you have in you to say, nah, it's okay, I'm an athlete. No, it's okay, I have a career. No, it's okay. What are you doing to say no, most of these kids are not, because guess what? Acceptance selfies, probably cute, and they're not given those tools sometimes. So I know. As immediate.
Speaker 2:Back to mediation. As a mediator, once I hear people's conflict, once I hear what brought, I do something a little bit different than most lawyers would do, which is like what's the conflict? What are the facts supporting your conflict? What can you achieve if you want to go to court and win at trial? What does it look like? I go deeper than that. I'm trying to address how do we get there? What are your true wants and needs?
Speaker 2:Not what the law allows for, because here's the beauty about mediation, too is mediation is not about what the law allows for. It's creating something that you find satisfactory, which is what the law sometimes doesn't even come up with. So we go beyond that, or you should want to go beyond that and craft something that is really your own, because every situation is different and I'm sometimes with the same lawyers on both sides. I have sometimes the same plaintiff, same defendant, different circumstances and things a little bit different. Here and here it's the same contractual breach of contract that's in front of me and when we approach it there's still a relationship. I'm going to deeper, like how can we navigate this conflict so the next one won't be as bad? So I do that deep under the watermark I say dive not just on the surface. Beneath the surface I'll tell you.
Speaker 1:Stanley, this has been. You've given us, you've answered our question what is mediation? You've given us, you've answered our question what is mediation? You've given us examples of it. We've talked about some community issues. We've talked about some things that we share the stage around our project. Well, this has been wonderful. I think our audience is getting the understanding about what we need to do as a community.
Speaker 1:For some of these other issues, we have to extend, because there are entities out there that benefit from some of these negative, intentional advertisements that are out there to get you to do certain things and, just like with the cigarette world, you know what somebody takes a stand and it changes Kudos. To CBS for saying you know what, I'm not going to sell cigarettes, but that was just one aspect. I to CBS for saying you know what, I'm not going to sell some groups, but that was just one aspect. I'd like to say you know what media we're not going to show black criminality in our communities every single day. You know what. We're going to stop doing that. We're going to start doing something else. I'd love to see that, before I let you go, stanley, tell the audience how to get in touch with you and how they can read your column that you put out.
Speaker 2:All right Through Legacy Magazine, which is a digital standalone publication online given to us by MIA Media Group. It is featured I think it's quarterly sorry every other month, every other month in the Miami Herald Sun Sentinel. That's how you can get it publication-wise. But also go online and look for Legacy Magazine by MIA Media Group. That's where you'll find my things on conflict resolution, on mediation, arbitrations. I'm only giving 500 words so it's not as expensive as it is.
Speaker 2:I've had a lot of people call me based on what I've written on how I can help them in their families or in their divorces or corporate whatever it may be. I also have on LinkedIn. Type in my name Stanley Zamor, it pops up. Also, one of my companies is Effective Mediation Consultants. You can look at that. Also, ig Polo, stance Polo, s-t-a-n-z. Just type in my name, google my name, and it pops up a bunch of things and you can reach out to me that way my cell number's on there, emails and other social media things. And people call me all the time about their conflicts, even oh yeah, sunday night.
Speaker 2:I have a friend not a friend of mine Someone is going to be engaging in divorce and already it's bad, and he's a young man who's been accused of molestation of his children and, as he said, his children's mother is just trying to make him look in the worst light possible. He's never touched any of his children in any inappropriate way, but he's saying that because the kids are only three and one and a half they can't speak, but that's the way that she did certain things to get him out of the house. I'm not saying this is true or not, I'm just saying this is what he told me. He wants to know how he can go through getting a divorce and I told him well, you need to see a lawyer. If you see a lawyer and you have some issues in there that might need law enforcement right as well as legal counsel, as a mediator I give no legal advice. I'm ethically barred not to do that and I will not do that. But I can help you, hopefully, in how we can manage the behavior that your wife's exhibiting children of your mother and how you can hopefully quell that a little bit. Bring it down a couple of notches, because maybe she's hurting. Something happened that hurt her, maybe, and maybe you're not recognizing it, maybe you're not owning up to it, maybe you're not owning up to your part. There's a level of accountability that has to be taken there. And there's a level of accountability that has to be taken there.
Speaker 2:And then he told me some things I'm like well, what you just told me, how do you think people would respond? And then we did some work. So my point is, at all times of the day, sometimes Sunday afternoons, I get people who reach out to me. Again, no less advice, but definitely matters in which to resolve emotional conflict we can talk about and do, or techniques in dealing with narcissists, and I have an article out there that's talked about. So I have a seminar, actually an eight hour seminar, negotiating with the enemy. You know how do you negotiate with those that you consider your enemy or your adversary, or the ops, as they say in the young world today. Right, how do you navigate conflict with the ops and their techniques? So definitely can reach out to me and hopefully I can help some people at least change the mindset a little bit and the approach and get things done.
Speaker 1:That's what it's about. That's what it's about. It's about changing the narrative. This has been wonderful. I encourage your entire audience to tune in to all the episodes of Follow Matt. You can do so at the number five. That's star, that's BDM, that's B for brand, e for development. Infomasterscom Stanley, you have been dropping knowledge, wisdom and insight all episode long and I thank you for being a guest on the Follow Brand Show. Thank you very much. Thank you, thanks for joining us on the Follow Brand Podcast. Big thanks to Full Effect Productions for their incredible support on each and every episode. Now the journey continues on our YouTube channel Follow Brand TV Series. Dive into exclusive interviews, extended content and bonus insights that will fuel your success. Subscribe now and be a part of our growing community sharing and learning together. Explore, engage and elevate at Follow Brand TV Series on YouTube. Stay connected, stay inspired. Till next time, we will continue building a five-star brand that you can follow.